Living with ADHD can sometimes land us in situations full of anxiety, overwhelm, and panic. These can be so much worse with an audience! When the expectation to behave heaps on extra feelings of rejection, shame, and self-criticism, it can result in a tinder-box of emotions. When these start going off like fireworks in a way that surprises even us, this can just pile on the misery.
Emotional dysregulation sucks. Most advice out there is for building up your resilience slowly, like weight training. But what can you do in company, instantly and in the moment? If you need to keep masking and can’t simply start doing as you please, what can you do when you feel the panic coming on?
In this blog post, we will explore eight immediate strategies that can help alleviate anxiety and provide relief during challenging moments. These are all discreet, effective, and practical techniques to support your well-being that can be applied without drawing further attention.
In case you want to skip ahead, these are:
- Breathing Techniques
- Grounding Techniques
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation
- Aromatherapy
- NLP Anchoring
- Get Moving
- EFT Tapping
1. Breathing Techniques
Good breathing techniques trick your body into re-setting as if everything is calm. One of the following techniques may suit you better than the other two. It’s a personal choice, and in part depends on whether your body needs a gentle or more dramatic re-set. This is why I have included variations as a single option.
Three famous breathing techniques
- Heartmath breathing – hand on heart, breathe in for the count of 5 and out for the count of 5. Repeat at least three times and for as long as it takes.
- Box breathing 4-4-4-4 – breathe in deeply for the count of 4, hold your breath for the count of four, breathe out slowly for the count of 4, and again hold your breath for the count of four. Repeat as many times as needed.
- 4-7-8 Breathing – in through the nose for 4, hold for the count of 7, and breathe out slowly for 8, immediately breathing back in for the count of 4, and so on.
When we become alarmed or unsettled our bodies instantly get ready in case we need to fight or make a dash for freedom. This means reducing the ability to think clearly by putting all the focus on safety. It also messes with digestion and pumps out adrenaline causing feelings of muscle tension. As part of this reaction, breathing becomes rapid and shallow. Consciously breathing deeply and slowly can tell your body that it is now time to relax.
With all breathing techniques, it is best, if you can, to breathe in deeply through the nose and out through the mouth. If this makes you feel dizzy or like you are not getting enough oxygen then it is fine to start with mouth breathing.
One more technique
Slightly more likely to be noticed, this very effective technique is simply to sigh like an infant after a crying fit. This involves two rapid, short breaths in, almost like a sniff-sniff, and an immediate sigh, breathing out as deeply as you can. This is so effective that when you are not in a stressful situation, doing it can still make you so relaxed as to yawn. May cause tears / a need for a hug.
2. Grounding Techniques
Grounded – what it means.
People with ADHD are already notoriously ‘ungrounded’ by neurotypical standards. Normally this means we struggle to contain excitement or boredom. It can also mean that we are unable to phase out all the things beckoning our attention so that we can hold our focus on someone who wants us to.
When it comes to emotional overwhelm, being ungrounded means being lost in a whorl of panic or negative thought. Your immediate surroundings can seem to fade away as you are called to focus on panic, or on nothing at all. This is not the best situation to be in if your immediate surroundings are the trigger or the threat! As an example, what if you started to phase out the sound of your irate boss barking angry questions at you? What if all you could hear instead was the blood pumping in your ears?*
If you are experiencing overwhelming anxiety or panic, the right grounding techniques can help you reconnect with your body and stay present.
*(Extra tip: if you can hear the blood pumping in your ears, that’s possibly high blood pressure, in which case give it priority. Unlike feeling overwhelmed, a medical situation is a crisis that does have a logical response. Remember, you are great in a crisis, it’s part of the condition.)
One useful grounding technique:
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding. Take a few deep breaths to begin the process of calming your body. Notice and identify:
- 5 things you can see around you,
- 4 things you can touch,
- 3 things you can hear,
- 2 things you can smell, and
- 1 thing you can taste.
Engaging your senses in this way helps redirect your focus away from anxious thoughts and back into the present reality.
3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Somatic techniques like progressive muscle relaxation involve consciously tensing and then releasing each muscle group in your body. This promotes physical and mental relaxation in much the same way as the infant breathing technique, above. In this case, it releases that coiled-spring sensation in the body to allow relaxation.
This exercise is also wonderful to do daily. In privacy it can be done so strongly that you might start to shake. However, tightening muscles so hard that you double over is not something that can be done in public. You can keep these movements controlled and subtle and unnoticeable, while still experiencing an effect.
Tightening and relaxation – the steps.
- Start by tensing your toes for a few seconds, as hard as you can in the situation.
- Try to hold this for the count of ten.
- Then let the tightened muscles flop and release.
- Move up through your legs, abdomen, arms, shoulders, and finally your facial muscles.
Alternatively, if you are feeling anxiety, overwhelm or panic, then you may choose to start by tightening your head and neck muscles first, working your way down instead of up. There is no set sequence.
This technique helps release muscle tension and can alleviate anxiety symptoms.
4. Aromatherapy
This aromatherapy technique involves bringing your hands up to your face. If you are worried about being noticed then it still works if you are seated at a table and can appear to be resting your chin in your hands.
You are probably already aware of some scents that delight you. Smells can draw your memory back to good times, particularly in childhood. As an example, I know of a bizarre combination that for me smells like potted geraniums and chalk. This makes me think of sunny spring mornings at infant school. It’s just so optimistic and relaxing.
There are now multiple perfume brands that create scents to replicate tomatoes on the vine, or plowed soil, or the smell of an incoming thunderstorm.
The Technique
With a tiny amount of your favourite calming scent warming in the palms of your hands, bring it up to your face. Try to cup your hands loosely around your nose and mouth to block smells from the environment. With slow and deep breaths in through your nose, focus on enjoying the scent and the memory it brings up for you. Be conscious of your shoulders starting to relax. That’s it!
Why this works
This works best with pure oils. Body sprays and perfumes may contain propellants and stabilisers. You may not notice them consciously, but even these will have a connection somewhere to memory and emotion.
Aromatherapy as a complementary therapy technique uses only pure essential oils to promote relaxation and reduce anxiety. Lavender, chamomile, and bergamot are known for their calming properties but many good aromatherapy brands (for example Neils Yard or Tisserand) offer an array of sensory oil blends already diluted into a carrier oil. If bringing these oils right up to your face, you may like to dilute them even further in another base oil such as almond, avocado or camellia sinensis.
Keep it subtle
For this technique, it is best to have a diluted blend of essential oils that is light and pleasant and will not overpower the room. It’s not going to help you rebuild your inner resources of calm and control, if anyone else starts coughing and complaining. Choose something that you can apply to your wrists or the palms of your hands, perhaps from a discreet miniature rollerball bottle, and draw to your face without feeling overwhelmed.
If florals are an issue
There are many masculine/unisex blends based on Sandalwood or Vetiver, Frankincense or Oud. These can tend to be invigorating so make sure to choose a blend that also inspires comfort and relaxation..
5. NLP Anchoring
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) offers many effective tools for managing anxiety. One such technique is anchoring, although the initial anchor needs to be set up when you are in a good place, to be truly effective.
Before the overwhelming situation:
Start by choosing a desired emotional state, and a physical anchoring point. This is usually somewhere on your hands, that you can access without drawing attention.
Some people create an anchor that involves holding one wrist or pressing together the thumb and the ring finger. Try to avoid creating an anchor point that will be accidentally pressed and triggered multiple times a day, because that will reduce its effectiveness.
For this example, we will be recalling a time when you felt calm and in control, and anchoring this by pressing the thumb and forefinger together.
The steps:
- Recall a time in the past when you felt intensely calm and in control
- At the same time as feeling those feelings, press your thumb and forefinger together
- Let go while the memory is powerful so that only the strongest positive sensation is anchored to the thumb and forefinger
- Repeat several times, always visualising and sensing that positive experience.
- Later, keep doing this whenever you remember.
This will eventually associate the action with calling up those feelings of calm and control, anchoring the desired state so that you can access it whenever needed, in this case by pinching your thumb and finger together.
6. Get Moving
Physical movement is not only beneficial for overall well-being but can also play a vital role in reducing anxiety and overwhelm. Engaging in exercise, such as jogging, yoga, or dancing, releases endorphins, which are natural mood enhancers. However while this is good for building up emotional resilience in advance, and great for releasing adrenalin afterward, it’s rarely an option in social settings.
Stimming and fidgeting with objects that provide sensory input can help regulate emotions. In theory these activities can help reduce anxiety by channeling excess energy and promoting a sense of calm.
Getting a jittery leg, toe-tapping, or starting to pace are signs of anxiety that everyone understands. For that reason, you may feel uncomfortable with broadcasting your discomfort.
Here are a few simple ways to combine sensory distraction, exercise, and stimming that are very hard to spot.
Fidgets
- Fidget with your pen – avoid clicking noisy pen tops, but rotating a textured pen while holding it as if to write, can just as easily look motivated. I like Bic biros for this because of the slim hexagonal shape that can take a tight grip.
- Have a fidget ring – twirling the moving parts of a fidget jewellery can appear like deep thought
- Pocket toys – keep a fidget clicker, for example, in your pocket where you can engage in tiny repetitive stimming actions without being noticed.
- Toes – drum or wiggle your big toes inside your shoes.
- Tongue – push the tip of your tongue into the roof of your mouth
- Pelvic floor – yes even men have these. Play with tightening and loosening your pelvic floor. It’s good for your future bladder control. As a secret action, you may find it defiant or disrespectful and therefore amusing or empowering. Go for it. Amusement is the opposite of overwhelm.
With all of these fidgets, you might like to add a theme tune or silly tune in your head, such as The Birdie Song, and perform your actions in time to the music whilst also keeping your face straight and focused on the person or issue. This is easy for someone with ADHD. And also fun.
7. EFT Tapping
I’ve saved what I consider to be the best, for last. EFT, also known as Emotional Freedom Techniques, or Tapping, is a powerful tool for reducing anxiety and overwhelm. Some wonderful studies are coming out of Australia courtesy of Dr Peta Stapleton.
EFT involves gently tapping on specific acupressure points while focusing on the emotional or physical sensations you’re experiencing. And if you’re already upset, you’re already focusing.
In a calm situation or with a coach or practitioner we would start by identifying the specific anxiety or overwhelm you’re feeling and then rating its intensity on a scale of 0 to 10. This is the first step in ‘tuning in’ to the problem.
Luckily, when you are already overwhelmed or starting to panic, you are already tuned in! This means that as an emergency response, you can skip the rest and just get down to tapping. The trick in public is to do it without drawing attention.
Normally, in a full circuit of EFT meridian points, you would tap each point (e.g., the top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the nose, chin, collarbone, under the arm, and on the wrist and finger points) while repeating a phrase that acknowledges the issue and affirms self-acceptance and release. After a few rounds of tapping, you would reassess the intensity level and see whether the phrase you are using needs to be adjusted.
Using EFT secretly
In this example, we are going to use the wrist, as it connects to all the meridians that end at each of the fingertips.
- Rest one hand across the inside of the other wrist. If this is not possible balance that wrist on a fairly hard edge of your book, bag, or desk.
- Starting from the place where your watchband would sit, and focus on the area one or two finger widths higher up your arm.
- Gently apply and release pressure as if it is caused by your breathing and either keep going or do this in sets of 7 to 10.
- Focus on the sensations in that area – try to find where the sensation is more powerful and just keep going
- When you are ready, add a phrase. I suggest between two and five words, something you can silently repeat in your mind, like a mantra as you go, without thinking too much or tuning in to yet more emotion. Examples could be:
- I’m letting this go
- I’m safe
- I’m stronger than this
- Icecream
- Home soon
- [Expletive of choice]
Conclusion
When it comes to managing anxiety, overwhelm, or panic attack symptoms in the moment, having a range of techniques at your disposal is essential. Having both a choice and the right to choose is a great reminder in the moment that you do have power and control, particularly in situations where it doesn’t feel that way.
Incorporating practices such as breathing techniques like box breathing and 4-7-8 breathing, somatic techniques like grounding and progressive muscle relaxation, and complementary therapies like aromatherapy, NLP anchoring, sensory distraction, and EFT tapping can provide you with a comprehensive toolbox for immediate relief.
Remember, different techniques work for different people, so explore and experiment to find what resonates with you. And when you find something that works, do it at other times too, even you are not in crisis! There is a thrill to building power and resilience instead of always patching up disasters.